Wedding Crashers Quotes (2005)
Claire Cleary: What is true love?
John Beckwith: True love is your soul’s recognition of its counterpoint in another.
Claire Cleary: It’s a little cheesy but I like it.
John Beckwith: I read it on a bumper sticker!
Chazz Reinhold: Yeah, her boyfriend just died. In a hang-gliding accident! What an idiot! What a loser!
[sarcastically imitating dead boyfriend]
Chazz Reinhold: “Hey, I’m hang-gliding! Aaaahhh! Take a picture, honey, I’m dead!
Jeremy Grey: [about Gloria] She took me below deck for forty-five minutes. I have no bodily fluids left in me.
John: “Great. Great. Let’s sign the paperwork and we are done.”
Jeremy: “This is just semantics. If you guys want to throw a couple miles at us, we’ll take a couple. The big thing is, is that we’re all moving on.”
Mr. Kroeger: “Could you two just not talk anymore?”
Jeremy: Tatoo on the lower back. Might as well be a bull’s-eye.
Jeremy Grey: Does anyone know what this here is used for?
Little Boy: Rollin’ a fatty?
Jeremy Grey: No… Not for… Where’d you learn that?
Jeremy Grey:I’m not perfect, but who are we kidding? Neither are you.
Mrs. Kroeger: He can have the miles.
Mr. Kroeger: Nah, sweetie. You take the miles.
Jeremy Grey: John, red seven!
John Beckwith: I don’t know what red seven means.
Jeremy Grey: Hot route!
John Beckwith: I don’t… What’s hot route?
John Beckwith: Will you just go and stand on the other side, please?
Jeremy Grey: A friend in need is a pest.
Jeremy: I feel so tiny in your arms.
Wedding Guest : Really, how tall are you?
Jeremy: I’m 6′5″, but I feel like I’m four feet.
Vivian: Would you say you’re completely full of bleep or just 50%?
John: I hope just 50, but who knows?
John: After all, someone has to pay for the, uh, lap dances for the big guy here.
Jeremy: Oh! He’s joking around. It feels so good when he jokes.
Jeremy Grey Rule #35: never commit to a relative unless you’re absolutely positive they have a pulse.
Carson Elrod:Yes! Crabcakes and football, that’s what Maryland does!
John Beckwith: We lost a lot of good men out there.
Bridesmaid: Playing with the Yankees?
John Beckwith: Yes, we lost a lot of good men to trades and unruly fans. Look I don’t want to talk about it. I’m sorry.
John Beckwith:[to a group of children at a wedding] Love doesn’t exist, that’s what I’m trying to tell you guys. And I’m not picking on love, ’cause I don’t think friendship exists either.
Jeremy Grey: Gloria, I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching recently, and I think I’m ready to take this relationship, our relationship to the next level.
Gloria Cleary: Jeremy, I am so ready to take it to the next level.
Jeremy Grey: Really?
Gloria Cleary: Yeah. Do you want to watch me with another girl? How about those Brazilian twins we met at the ball game?
Jeremy Grey: I was thinking more along the lines of an engagement.
Gloria Cleary: Oh Jeremy, I do!
Jeremy Grey: I love you.
Gloria Cleary: I love you.
John Beckwith: Okay, Kitty Kat. This feels “borderline” inappropriate.
Jeremy Grey: I always knew I was never going to be a professional bull fighter, but that’s not why I did it.
Claire Cleary: Your brother. He’s down again.
John Beckwith: What is his deal?
Spoiled Kid: I want a bicycle!
Jeremy Grey: Listen, a bicycle is going to take a lot of balloons and frankly, uncle Jeremy is a bit tired. How about I make you something else?
Spoilt Kid: I just want a bicycle!
Jeremy Grey: Why are you yelling at me?
Spoilt Kid: Make me a bicycle, clown
Jeremy Grey: All right, I’m going to make you a bicycle. But I don’t want to make you a bicycle.
Spoilt Kid: Shut your mouth, funny guy, and make it.
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