The Pacifier Quotes (2005)
Seth Plummer: Oh, bite me.
Shane Wolfe: [to Zoe's boyfriend, Scott] Give me twenty!
[Scott pulls out his wallet]
Shane Wolfe: I mean push-ups!
Shane Wolfe: [to Mrs. Plummer] Ma’am, I’ve dealt with…
[Gary bites his ear]
Shane Wolfe: OW! Oh my God!
Julie Plummer: Sorry! That’s Gary.
Seth Plummer: [Shane kicks in Seth's bedroom door - Seth exits the bathroom] Oh my god! What did you do?
Shane Wolfe: I was trying to protect you!
Seth Plummer: How? By pulling a shock-and-awe on my door?
Shane Wolfe: I can fix that.
Seth Plummer: No you can’t! It’s broken in half!
Lulu Plummer: I can cross my eyes, wanna see?
Shane Wolfe: No!
Lulu Plummer: [crosses her eyes, then baby Tyler cries] He hates it when I do that.
Shane Wolfe: I know the feeling.
Director: We open in a week, people! The set isn’t finished. Mother Abbess just quit because she has shingles. And, every step-ball change would make Bob Fosse rise from the grave just so he could have a heart attack again!
Seth Plummer: I’ll get it right.
Director: No, you won’t. You and your… *mother* over here can’t get it right. And, I know this because I am a professional. I directed Show Boat with Greg Brady. It wasn’t union, but it was good. Good! Good! Good!
[puts hand up to rest up against prop, but crashes through it and falls down and then gets up and straightens himself out]
Director: Obviously, I quit!
Firefly Scout: Den mother, you frighten me.
Shane Wolfe: Good.
Shane Wolfe: When you’re down and low, lower than the floor, And you feel like you ain’t got a chance. Bom, bom, bom, Don’t make a move till you’re in the groove And do the Peter Panda Dance:
[Clap twice]
Shane Wolfe: ‘Just hop three times like a kangaroo, Side-step twice just like those/the crabs do, Three steps forward, one step back. Quick like a turtle, lie on your back!
[Whispering]
Shane Wolfe: ‘Roll like a log till you can’t roll no more!’ Better jump up quick like there ain’t no floor, Hold your breath, and jump/step/slide to the left’; And that’s the Peter, I swear that’s the Peter, That’s the Peter Panda Dance!
[And then he goes on and say]
Shane Wolfe: Goodnight, Peter Panda!
Zoe Plummer: Personal Bubble Invasion!
Zoe Plummer: [about the people at the party] Who are all these people?
Scott: I don’t know.
Zoe Plummer: We need to talk.
Scott: Don’t hate the player, girl, hate the game.
Vice Principal Murney: You mess with the bull, you get the horns!
[puts two fingers on his head]
Shane Wolfe: [to the kids he's watching] I’m never gonna be able to remember your names because there’s not enough time so you’re Red One, you’re Red Two, you’re Red Three, and you’re Red Baby.
Seth Plummer: We’re all gonna die.
Lulu Plummer: [jumping out of the car after experiencing Zoe's driving]
[shouts]
Lulu Plummer: Land! Solid land!
Julie Plummer: [after hitting Mrs. Chen and knocking her unconscious] She was never really a good neighbor.
Lulu Plummer: I think you’re cute!
Shane Wolfe: [awkwardly] Thank you.
Shane Wolfe: Think of it as a Bradley Assault Vehicle.
Seth Plummer: Yeah, especially with Zoe driving.
Shane Wolfe: [coaching Zoe on S.U.V.s] Just think of it as a Bradley Assault Vehicle.
Seth Plummer: With her driving, it will be!
[after Shane just did the Peter Panda Dance for Peter]
Peter Plummer: Good night, Daddy!
[after seeing Woody Woodchuck's kiddie restaurant]
Shane Wolfe: And they say war is hell.
Shane Wolfe: [to Vice Principle Murney] I can’t today, I’m on duty…
Vice Principal Murney: [to Shane] Oh yeah, your babysitting, more like- doo-doo duty
First Junior Grizzly: Hey Skeever, what do you put in a jar and shake till they’re dead?
Second Junior Grizzly: Fireflies!
Director: We open in a week, people. The set isn’t finished. Mother Abbess just quit because she got shingles! And every step-ball change would make Bob Fosse rise from the grave just so he could have a heart attack again!
Director: We open in a week, people! The set isn’t finished. Mother Abbess just quit because she has shingles. And, every step-ball change would make Bob Fosse rise from the grave just so he could have a heart attack again!
Seth Plummer: I’ll get it right.
Director: No, you won’t. You and your… *mother* over here can’t get it right. And, I know this because I am a professional. I directed Show Boat with Greg Brady. It wasn’t union, but it was good. Good! Good! Good!
Lulu Plummer: [Upon arriving to party taking place at the house] Holy bologna, someone’s gonna get busted.
Mrs. Chun: [after eyebrows get burned off] I just got my eyebrows done!
Shane Wolfe: They were after this
[places DVD marked GHOST into laptop, the movie "Ghost begins playing]
Lulu Plummer: They want our “Ghost” movie? Haven’t they heard of Blockbuster?
Seth Plummer: There is a man in the house! It’s me!
Shane Wolfe: [garage door opens, and minivan is revealed] What is it?
Seth Plummer: It’s a minivan.
Shane Wolfe: [while changing the baby's diaper] Ewwww, Red Baby!
Shane Wolfe: [after Seth has gone to his room] Where’s the older male? There were five.
Helga: [fearfully] He walks like Dracula, silent like death.
Zoe Plummer: He’s in his room.
Shane Wolfe: Mrs. Plummer, I will personally make sure your kids are…
[Gary the Duck bites him in the ear]
Shane Wolfe: …Oh, my God!
Julie Plummer: [puts Gary down] Sorry, that’s Gary. He was Howard’s
Shane Wolfe: He bit me!
Julie Plummer: I know. He thinks he’s a guard dog.
Julie Plummer: I trusted you… Howard trusted you… you betrayed us… and you betrayed your country.
Capt. Bill Fawcett: Guess what? North Korea pays better.
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