Shrek Quotes (2001)
Princess Fiona: Shrek’s hurt.
The Donkey: What? Shrek’s hurt? Oh, no, Shrek’s gonna die!
Shrek: Donkey, I’m fine.
The Donkey: You can’t die on me, Shrek! I’m too young for you to die! Keep your feet elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anybody know the Heimlich?
Princess Fiona:The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.
Shrek: Uh, no.
Princess Fiona: Why not?
Shrek: I have helmet hair.
Princess Fiona: Please. I would’st look upon the face of my rescuer.
Shrek: Oh, no, you wouldn’t… tst.
Princess Fiona: But… how will you kiss me?
Shrek: What? That wasn’t in the job description.
Donkey: Maybe it’s a perk.
Donkey: Shrek, you know how ogres have layers?
Shrek: Oh, aye?
Donkey: Well, donkeys don’t have no layers. We wear our fear right there on our sleeves.
Shrek: But Donkey, donkeys don’t wear sleeves.
Donkey: You know what I mean.
Shrek: You can’t tell me you’re afraid of heights?
Donkey: No, I’m just uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge, over a boiling lake of lava.
Donkey:Ooh! Aah! That was really scary! And if you don’t mind me saying, if that don’t work your breath will certainly get the job done because you definitely need some Tic-Tacs or something because your breath stinks!
Magic Mirror: Let’s move on to girl number 3, Princess Fiona. She likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain!
Shrek: Um… Fiona?
Princess Fiona: Yes, Shrek?
Shrek: I… I love you.
Princess Fiona: Really?
Shrek: Really, really!
Shrek: Mmmm… I love you too.
Donkey: Hi, princess.
Princess Fiona: It talks.
Shrek: Yeah, but it’s getting him to shut up that’s the trick.
Shrek: Ogres are like onions.
Donkey: They stink?
Shrek: Yes. No.
Donkey: Oh, they make you cry.
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Oh, you leave em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin’ little white hairs.
Shrek: NO. Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.
Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions
Donkey: Can I stay with you? Please?
Shrek: Of course.
Donkey: Really?
Shrek: NO.
Donkey: Please. I don’t wanna go back there. You don’t know what it’s like to be considered a freak… Well, maybe you do, but that’s why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay!
Donkey: This would be SO much easier if I weren’t color-blind.
Shrek: I’ve got to save my ass! [Shrek runs off to find the Donkey.]
Donkey: Whoa. Look at that. Who’d wanna live in a place like that?
Shrek: That would be my home.
Donkey: Oh and it is LOVELY. You know, you’re really quite a decorator. It’s amazing what you’ve done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder
Magic Mirror: [about Snow White] Although she lives with seven other men, she’s actually not easy
Shrek: Go over there and see if you can find any stairs.
Donkey: Stairs? I thought we were lookin’ for the Princess.
Shrek: The Princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.
Donkey: How do you know that?
Shrek: I read it in a book once.
The Donkey: So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?
Shrek: Well, there’s, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.
The Donkey:Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there?
Shrek: That’s the moon.
The Donkey: Oh, okay.
The Donkey[Shrek repeatedly thanks the Donkey.]: Stop it, nobody likes a kiss-ass.
Pinocchio: I’m not a puppet. I’m a real boy.
Captain of Guards: Five schillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
Donkey: [to the Dragon] Oh, what large teeth you have. I mean white sparkly teeth, I know you probably hear this all the time from your food but you must bleach or something, ’cause that’s one dazzling smile you got there and do I detect a hint of minty freshness?
Princess Fiona: What kind of knight are you?
Shrek: One of a kind.
The Donkey: Did you hear that? She called me a “noble steed.” She thinks I’m a steed.
Donkey: You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain’t never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha.
Lord Farquaad: Run, run, run as fast as you can. You can’t catch me, I’m the Gingerbread Man.
Gingerbread Man: You’re a monster.
Donkey: Don’t mess wit’ me. I’m the Stair Master. I’ve Mastered the Stairs. I wish I had a step right here, I could step here and here and here and step all over it.
Shrek: Donkey, two things okay? Shut… up.
Shrek: [burps]
The Donkey: Shrek.
Shrek: What? It’s a compliment. Better out than in, I always say.
The Donkey: But that’s no way to behave in front of a princess.
[Fiona burps louder]
Princess Fiona:Thanks.
The Donkey: [to Shrek] She’s as nasty as you are.
Shrek: What’re the flowers for?
Princess Fiona: Getting rid of Donkey.
Princess Fiona: [as ogre] Donkey, shh, shh. It’s me… in this body.
Donkey: [gasps] Oh, my God, you ate the princess!
Donkey: Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that. My mouth was open and everything.
Shrek: Donkey, if that was me, you’d be dead. That’s brimstone… we must be getting close
Donkey: Yeah, right, brimstone, don’t be talking about no brimstone. I know what I smelt and it wasn’t no brimstone and it didn’t come off no stone neither.
Donkey: This’ll be fun. We’ll stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning… I’m making waffles.
The Donkey: I’m a donkey on the edge!
Gingerbread Man: All right. Do you know… the muffin man?
Lord Farquaad: The muffin man?
Gingerbread Man: The muffin man.
Lord Farquaad: Yes, I know the muffin man. Who lives on Drury Lane?
Gingerbread Man: She’s married to the muffin man…
Lord Farquaad: The muffin man?
Gingerbread Man: The muffin man.
Lord Farquaad: She’s married to the muffin man.
Lord Farquaad: Some of you are going to die, but its a sacrifice I’m willing to make.
Donkey: And then one time I ate some rotten berries. Man, there were some strong gases seepin’ outta my butt that day!
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