Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Quotes (2005)
Willy Wonka: You can’t have your family hanging over you like an old, dead goose. No offense.
Grandpa George: None taken. Jerk.
Willy Wonka: [looking at silver hair] And in that moment I realized, “I must find a hair”.
Willy Wonka: [slams into glass elevator] I really need to remember where I park that thing.
Violet Beauregarde: [after stretching into a pretzel shape] Look mother, I’m much more flexible now.
Mrs. Beauregarde: [disapprovingly] Yes, but you’re blue.
Willy Wonka: Ew, somebody grab him.
Mike Teavee: You don’t understand *anything* about science! First off, there’s a difference between waves and particles! DUH! Second, the amount of power it would take to convert energy into matter would be like nine atomic bombs!
Narrator: In the end, Charlie Bucket won a chocolate factory. But Willy Wonka had something even better, a family. And one thing was absolutely certain – life had never been sweeter.
Welcome Puppets: Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, the amazing chocolatier weeeeee / Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, everybody give a cheer / He’s modest, clever, and so smart, he barely can restrain it / With so much generosity, there is no way to contain it, to contain it, to contain… to contain… to contain… / Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, he’s the one that you’re about to meet / Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, he’s a genius who just can’t be beat / The magician and the chocolate whiz / The best darn guy who ever lived / Willy Wonka, here he is!
Willy Wonka: [sorting through a big bunch of keys] There it is. There it isn’t.
Charlie Bucket: But it didn’t close forever, it’s open right now.
Mrs. Bucket: Ah yes, but sometimes Charlie, when grown ups say “forever,” they mean, “a very long time.”
Grandpa George: Such as I feel as though I’ve eaten nothing but cabbage soup forever.
Mr. Bucket: Now pops…
Grandpa Joe: The factory did close, Charlie, and it seemed like it was going to stay closed forever. Then one day, we saw smoke rising from the chimneys. The factory was back in business!
Charlie Bucket: Did you get your job back?
Grandpa Joe: No. No one did.
Charlie Bucket: But there must be people working there…
Grandma Josephine: Think about it, Charlie. Have you ever seen a single person going into that factory? Or coming out of it?
Charlie Bucket: No. The gates are always closed.
Grandpa Joe: Exactly.
Charlie Bucket: But then, who’s running the machines?
Mrs. Bucket: Nobody knows, Charlie.
Veruca Salt: I’m Veruca Salt. It’s very nice to meet you, sir.
[does a curtsy]
Willy Wonka: I always thought a verruca was a type of wart you got on the bottom of your foot. Ha.
Mike Teavee: [starts stomping on a candy pumpkin, completely destroying it]
Mr. Teavee: Son, please.
Mike Teavee: Dad, he said, “Enjoy!”
Charlie Bucket: Are the Oompa Loompas really joking, grandpa?
Grandpa Joe: Of course they’re joking. That boy will be fine.
[looks worried]
Dr. Wonka: Why, I haven’t seen bicuspids like these since…
[long pause]
Dr. Wonka: … Willy?
Willy Wonka: Everything in this room is eatable. Even *I’m* eatable. But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.
Violet Beauregarde: Are they real people?
Willy Wonka: Of course they’re real people. They’re Oompa Loompas.
Mr. Salt: Oompa Loompas?
Willy Wonka: Imported. Direct from Loompaland.
Mr. Teavee: There’s no such place.
Willy Wonka: What?
Mr. Teavee: Mr Wonka, I teach high school geography, and I’m here to tell you…
Willy Wonka: Well, then, you’ll know all about it and oh what a terrible country it is.
Grandma Georgina: You smell like peanuts. I love peanuts.
Willy Wonka: Oh, thank you. You smell like… old people. And soap. I like it.
[the gum machine spits out a single piece of gum]
Mike Teavee: You mean that’s it?
Willy Wonka: Do you even know what *it* is?
Veruca Salt: Will Violet always be a blueberry?
Willy Wonka: No. Maybe. I dunno. But that’s what you get from chewing gum all day, it’s just disgusting.
Mike Teavee: If you hate gum so much, why do you make it?
Willy Wonka: Once again you really shouldn’t mumble, because it’s really starting to bum me out.
Willy Wonka: Lets keep, truckin’!
Oompa Loompa: [Oompa Loompas start singing] Listen close, listen hard / The tale of Violet Beauregarde / This dreadful girl she sees no wrong / Chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / She goes on chewing till at last / Her chewing muscles grow so fast / From her face her giant chin / Sticks out just like a violin / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Oompa Loompa, Oompa Loompa, Oompa Loompa, Oompa Loompa/ For years and years she chews away / Her jaws get stronger every day / And with one great tremendous chew / They bite the poor girl’s tongue in two / And that is why we try so hard / To save Miss Violet Beauregarde / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long / Chewing, chewing all day long./ Chewing, chewing all day long./ Chewing, chewing all day long./
Blueberry Violet: Mr. Wonka!
[Oompa Loompas stop singing]
Willy Wonka: [to Oompa Loompa] I want you to roll Ms. Beaurgarde to the boat and take her to the Juicing Room at once. ‘Kay?
[Oompa Loompa does signature hand lock]
Mrs. Beauregarde: The Juicing room? What are they gonna do to her there?
Willy Wonka: They’re gonna squeeze her. Like a little pimple. We’ve gotta squeeze all that juice out of her immediately.
[Mrs. Beauregarde runs up to Blueberry Violet]
Blueberry Violet: Mother, help me. Please!
[Mrs. Beauregarde pushes Blueberry Violet into door]
Willy Wonka: [looks at everyone] Come on… Let’s boogie!
Grandma Georgina: [the glass elevator crashes through the roof of Charlie's house] I think there’s someone at the door.
Narrator: Indeed, that very night, the impossible had already been set in motion.
Charlie Bucket: [on chocolate river, deep in factory, passing an open door in which Oompa-Loompas are whipping a cow] Whipped cream.
Willy Wonka: Exactly!
Veruca Salt: That doesn’t make any sense.
Willy Wonka: For your information, little girl, whipped cream isn’t whipped cream at all unless it’s been whipped with whips. Everybody knows that.
Dr. Wonka: All these years, and you haven’t flossed.
Willy Wonka: Not once.
Veruca Salt: Daddy, I want a squirrel. Get me one of those squirrels. I want one.
Mr. Salt: Veruca dear, you have many marvelous pets.
Veruca Salt: All I’ve got at home is one pony and two dogs and four cats and six bunny rabbits and two parakeets and three canaries and a green parrot and a turtle, and a silly old hamster! I WANT a SQUIRREL!
Mike Teavee: A retard could figure it out.
Mr. Teavee: Most of the time, I don’t know what he’s talking about. I mean, kids today, what with all the technology…
Mike Teavee: [blasting enemies in a video game] Die! Die! Die!
Mr. Teavee: …doesn’t seem like they stay kids very long.
[Willy Wonka claps enthusiastically as his special musical showpiece goes up in flames]
Willy Wonka: Ha ha ha, wasn’t that just magnificent? I thought it was getting a little dodgy in the middle part, but that finale… Wow!
Willy Wonka: And the rest of you must be their p-p-…
Mr. Salt: Parents?
Willy Wonka: Yeah! Moms and dads!
[expression darkens]
Willy Wonka: Dad? Papa?
Willy Wonka: Uh, you really shouldn’t mumble, because I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
Grandpa Joe: I saw Willy Wonka with my own two eyes. I used to work for him, you know.
Charlie Bucket: You did?
Grandma Josephine: He did.
Grandpa George: He did.
Grandma Georgina: I love grapes.
Grandpa George: You don’t know what we’re talking about.
Grandma Georgina: [after a moment] Dragonflies?
Mike Teavee: Just put me back in the other way.
Willy Wonka: There is no other way. It’s television not telephone, it’s quite different.
Mr. Bucket: Your mum and I thought, maybe you’d like to open your birthday present tonight.
Charlie Bucket: Maybe we should wait until morning.
Grandpa George: Like hell.
Grandpa Joe: All together we’re 381 years old. We don’t wait.
Willy Wonka: What do you think about little raspberry kites?
Charlie Bucket: With licorice instead of string!
Mrs. Bucket: Boys, no business at the dinner table.
Charlie Bucket: Sorry, Mum.
Willy Wonka: I think you’re onto something though, Charlie.
Grandpa George: There’s plenty of money out there. They print more of it every day. But that ticket? There are only five of them in the world, and that’s all there’s ever going to be. Only a dummy would give this up for something as common as money. Are you a dummy?
Willy Wonka: [while passing a room where Oompa Loompa's are shearing pink hair from sheep] I’d rather not talk about this one…
Mrs. Beauregarde: Eyes on the prize, Violet, eyes on the prize.
Charlie Bucket: [asking about Violet's gum] Why hold onto it? Why not start a new piece?
Violet Beauregarde: Because then I wouldn’t be a champion. I’d be a loser. Like you.
Willy Wonka: Mumbler!
Mr. Salt: [at the nut sorting room] Ah, here’s a room I know all about. You see, Mr. Wonka, I myself am in the nut business.
[hands Willy Wonka his business card, and Willy flings it away without looking at it]
Veruca Salt: [outside the Chocolate Factory] Daddy, I want to go in.
Mr. Salt: It’s 9:59, sweetheart.
Veruca Salt: Make time go faster.
Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka, I don’t know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.
Willy Wonka: Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life’s work and sell it to those parasitic copy-cat candy-making cads?
Grandpa Joe: No, sir.
Willy Wonka: Then wonderful, welcome back.
Willy Wonka: The waterfall is most important! Mixes the chocolate, churns it up, makes it light and frothy. By the way, no other factory in the world m…
Veruca Salt: You already said that.
Willy Wonka: Oh…
Mr. Teavee: [has just seen chocolate transported by television] So, can you send other things? Say, like breakfast cereal?
Willy Wonka: Do you have any idea what breakfast cereal’s made of? It’s those little curly wood shavings you find in pencil sharpeners.
Charlie Bucket: But could you send it by television if you wanted to?
Willy Wonka: Course I could.
Mike Teavee: What about people?
Willy Wonka: Well, why would I want to send a person? They don’t taste very good at all.
[Mike Teavee is taken away and Wonka moves towards the Great Glass Elevator with Charlie and Grandpa Joe]
Willy Wonka: Right, now, how many children are left?
Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka, Charlie’s the only one left.
Willy Wonka: [looks at Charlie] You mean, you’re the only one?… what happened to the others?
Charlie Bucket: So… if I go with you, to live in your factory, I’ll never see my family again?
Willy Wonka: Yeah! Consider that a bonus!
[about Veruca Salt winning a golden ticket]
Grandpa George: She’s even worse than the fat boy!
Charlie Bucket: “Up and out”? What kind of a room is that?
Willy Wonka: Hold on.
Willy Wonka: Ha ha ha ha. You’re really weird.
Veruca Salt: Let’s be friends.
Violet Beauregarde: Best friends.
Willy Wonka: I’ve tried it on, like, 20 Oompa Loompahs and each one ended up as a blueberry. It’s just weird!
Narrator: This is a story of an ordinary little boy named Charlie Bucket. He was not faster, or stronger, or more clever than other children. His family was not rich or powerful or well-connected; in fact, they barely had enough to eat. Charlie Bucket was the luckiest boy in the entire world. He just didn’t know it yet.
Willy Wonka: Don’t touch that squirrel’s nuts! It’ll make him crazy!
Willy Wonka: [coming upon a tiny door] An important room, this. It is a chocolate factory, after all.
Mike Teavee: Then, why’s the door so small?
Willy Wonka: That’s to keep all the great big chocolatey flavor inside.
Augustus Gloop: [offering the Wonka bar he had been munching on to Charlie] Would you like some chocolate?
Charlie Bucket: Sure!
Augustus Gloop: [yanking the candy bar away] Then you should have brought some with you.
Willy Wonka: Once again, you really shouldn’t mumble, ’cause it’s really starting to bum me out!
Dr. Wonka: Now, let’s see what the damage is here.
Willy Wonka: Stop the boat! I wanna show you guys something!
Mike Teavee: Who wants a beard?
Willy Wonka: Well, beatniks for one, folk singers and motorbike riders. Y’know. All those hip, jazzy, super cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats. It’s in the fridge, daddy-o! Are you hip to the jive? Can you dig what I’m layin’ down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother!
Shopkeeper: You found Wonka’s last golden ticket!
Willy Wonka: [Getting his shoes shined by Charlie, his face hidden behind a newspaper] Pity about that chocolate fellow, Wendle, er, Walter…
Charlie Bucket: Willy Wonka.
Willy Wonka: That’s the one. Says here his candies aren’t selling very well. But then I suppose he’s just a rotten egg who deserves it.
Charlie Bucket: Yep.
Willy Wonka: Oh really? You ever met him?
Charlie Bucket: I did. I thought he was great at first, but then he didn’t turn out so nice. He also has a funny haircut.
Willy Wonka: [coming out from behind the newspaper] I do not!
Charlie Bucket: Why are you here?
Willy Wonka: I don’t feel so hot. What makes you feel better when you feel terrible?
Charlie Bucket: My family.
Willy Wonka: Ew!
Charlie Bucket: What have you got against my family?
Willy Wonka: It’s not just *your* family, it’s the whole idea of…
[balks]
Willy Wonka: You know, they’re always telling you what to do and what not to do and it’s not conducive to a creative atmosphere!
Charlie Bucket: Usually they’re just trying to protect you, because they love you.
[Willy looks away]
Charlie Bucket: If you don’t believe me you should ask.
Willy Wonka: Ask who? My father? Ha! No way. At least not by myself…
Charlie Bucket: You want me to come with you?
Willy Wonka: Hey! Hey, what a great idea! Yeah!
[jumps up]
Willy Wonka: And you know what? I brought transporta-
[bangs into the glass elevator and falls down]
Willy Wonka: I have watch where I park this thing.
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Willy Wonka: Good morning, stars shine. The Earth says “Hello”.